Treating yourself as a friend

As a family caregiver, you probably hold yourself to a high standard. You expect yourself to react with kindness and patience at all times, no matter how unpleasant or inconvenient the task. Compassionate caring is a high ideal for family caregivers.

But some days are admittedly better than others. And then comes the self-criticism and guilt!

Here’s an idea, though: Treat yourself the way you would treat a friend. Research shows that people who treat their own distress with concern instead of judgment are physically healthier. They are also emotionally better able to deal with life’s inevitable setbacks. They stay motivated even when things are rough. For example, people who treat themselves with compassion

• cope with failure more productively. Rather than get upset, they consider the lessons learned.
• remain positive and motivated. They are less subject to fear, negativity, anxiety, and depression.
• take better care of personal health. They eat better, exercise more, and see the doctor regularly.

The next time you feel down on yourself, try a compassionate perspective. Consider your situation with

• kindness. You forgot to bring the list of medications to Dad’s appointment? Self-criticism will only make you feel worse. And it won’t make the list suddenly appear. Instead, patiently ask yourself what to do next.
• acceptance. You’re not keeping up with cleaning Mom’s house the way you envisioned? Give up the idea of perfection. It’s not humanly possible! Gently support yourself while continuing to do the best you can. Treat yourself with consideration, as you would a friend.
• awareness. You missed the party today because Dad wasn’t well? Of course you are disappointed! And maybe mad, or sad. Acknowledge your feelings in the moment. They are normal, natural. And like all feelings, they will subside. They just resolve faster when viewed as neither bad nor good, but rather, as a temporary experience.

Struggling with the role of caregiver?
That’s very normal! As the Roanoke and Lynchburg experts in family caregiving, we at Gentle Shepherd Hospice know how to support folks like you through the ups and downs. Give us a call at 1-800-789-0586 (toll-free). We are here to help!