When a loved one obviously needs help at home but refuses to allow it, it’s frustrating! Below are two common concerns, with suggestions for ways to problem solve together.
Cost is a very practical barrier. Many older adults feel particularly vulnerable where money is concerned. With a fixed income, they don’t want to spend! But the cost of help depends on the type of help needed.
If licensed care providers are what your relative needs—for example, home visits with a physical therapist after a hip surgery—Medicare and supplemental insurance usually cover these costs.
If nonmedical help is needed (cooking, laundry, errands), there may be resources available. Maybe your relative has long-term care insurance. Perhaps they are eligible for VA benefits. Consulting with a care manager can bring these possibilities to light.
Or it may be that your loved one does not have an accurate picture of their financial resources. If you are the person your loved one trusts with money matters, ask if you can review the facts together so you can better understand their concerns.
Retaining control over their life. It’s common for accepting help to symbolize “the end of my independence.” That’s a scary thought. Realistically, though, all of us will need assistance at some point. You might try asking, “Under what circumstances would you see yourself accepting help at home?” This allows your loved one to explore their own red flags. Plus, it gives you insight about what life event might make home care acceptable and why.
When hiring help, look for ways your relative can retain as much control as possible:
- Picking the caregiver
- Choosing the days and times for help
- Deciding on the care attendant’s tasks and participating in giving the instructions
- Clarifying if this is a short-term or long-term arrangement
Does this conversation feel like a battle?
At Gentle Shepherd Hospice, we often notice that an older adult will be more resistant to their child’s suggestion regarding help than they are when they talk with a professional. With a professional, there is less face to save and no family baggage. As the Roanoke and Lynchburg experts in aging well, we’d be happy to talk with you about options for introducing the subject. Give us a call at 1-800-789-0586 (toll-free). Let’s see what we can do.
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