Did you say “yes” to being a healthcare decision maker for an aging loved one? It is an honor and a sign of trust to be chosen! And it is a powerful responsibility. As healthcare power of attorney (or proxy), your role is to make medical decisions for them if they cannot make them on their own due to illness, injury, or incapacity.
In this role, your job is to follow the Platinum Rule: Treat others the way they want to be treated. The decisions you make on your loved one’s behalf should match their values and priorities, even if they differ from your own. Even if doing so is emotionally challenging. Your choice should be the choice they would make if they could. For example:
- Your relative with advanced dementia now has pneumonia. If they indicated in their advance directive “don’t treat infection,” then you must refuse treatment with antibiotics—even if medical staff or family members press for it.
- Or perhaps your loved one is in a late stage of cancer that has relegated their life to bed-bound dependence. If they want to continue with treatment, it’s your duty to support them to that end.
- Or your relative has a major stroke. Would they want to be kept alive no matter what? Say “yes” to a feeding tube? What would they say makes their life worth living?
Talk with your relative about their wishes before a crisis occurs! Make sure you understand their priorities. You might ask, what does “quality of life” look like to them? What would be worse than death? These are big, sensitive topics worthy of several discussions. Take your time and get details. There are various programs online that can help facilitate these conversations.
Check in with yourself, too. Be sure that you can honestly commit to advocating for the priorities your relative has identified, no matter what.
Finally, ensure that your loved one’s advance directive is up to date. Make sure it names you as the healthcare agent or proxy, if that is their intention. Then let the Platinum Rule be your guide.
Feeling daunted by decision making?
If so, we can help! As the Roanoke and Lynchburg experts in family caregiving, we at Gentle Shepherd Hospice can help guide important conversations about healthcare decisions and prepare documentation. Give us a call at 1-800-789-0586 (toll-free).