If you are named as healthcare decision maker for your loved one, you may be called upon to make very important decisions on very short notice.
At a time like this, it’s easy, and very human, to get caught up in fear. Unfortunately, fear does not make for the best decisions. If you can, call a friend or family member and have them join you. Or call a care manager. As experts in aging well, we can help guide you through the process. You don’t have to do this alone.
Viki Kind, ethicist and author of The Caregiver’s Path to Compassionate Decision Making, suggests these steps to promote your clearest thinking:
- Prepare a 911 list. Before a crisis—why not today?—create a reminder list to draw upon before rushing out the door. Do you have a child or pet you will need to arrange care for? An employer to inform? Do you have your necessary medications, food, and water? Maybe a sweater and a book, and paper for note taking? Phone charger? Your wallet?
- Steady your mind. Give yourself a few minutes to use a calming strategy: pray, call someone, walk around the block. Focus on the positive: “I can stay clear headed and do what’s needed.”
- Clarify the timeline. You may hear that a decision is needed “now.” Ask what “now” really means. In the next hour? Or by 5:00 pm tomorrow?
- Gather information. Ask about all the options, including the option to wait and see. In addition to the benefits for each one, ask about risks and possible negative outcomes. Find out about the long-term consequences.
- Review and decide. Reread your notes. Consider the options next to your loved one’s values and priorities. Talk things through with a friend or trusted professional. Perhaps create a spreadsheet of pros and cons for each option. Confirm for yourself the logic of your thinking, and go forward with your decision.
After the crisis has passed, make sure to seek out support. You just went through a lot! Make time to do an activity that calms you. You might also reach out to a friend, caregiver support group, or mental health professional to help you process what happened and your feelings about it.
Once you are back to baseline but before too much time has gone by, reflect on what worked about your decision-making process and what you might like to do differently in the future.
Feeling overwhelmed by your role as a decision maker for an older adult?
As the Roanoke and Lynchburg experts in aging well, we at Gentle Shepherd Hospice have plenty of experience with navigating crises. We are here to help guide you in times of stress or panic. We can also work together before an emergency occurs to make sure there are plans in place to support you and your relative. Give us a call at 1-800-789-0586 (toll-free) to learn more.